Embarrassing: Ian Foster has written a song to end player / administrator Silver Lake stand off but no-one wants to hear it

Sport Review #151

NEWSDESK: All Blacks coach Ian Foster is waiting patiently in a breakout meeting meeting room with his acoustic guitar for his chance to bring the rugby community together.

Private equity firm Silver Lake is offering to take revenue opportunities to a new level and inject badly needed funds into the community game, but the Player’s Association holds concerns about the player’s share of the pot and preserving the game’s mana. Foster believes he holds the answers in his new acoustic guitar and some carefully crafted lyrics in his phone’s notes app.

“Look at Bob Dylan ending the Vietnam War, or the Scorpions bringing down the Berlin Wall. If one man and a song can’t seal the most ambitious venture capital deal in rugby history, what can?” said Foster.

Commentator and Beatles fan Keith Quinn has heard Foster’s song and is a believer. “Think Joni Mitchell rather than John Mitchell! You might question if New Zealand is ready for a singer / songwriter All Blacks coach, but once the rugby community hears the delicate finger picking and Eurovision chord change, I predict negotiations will reach a swift and successful conclusion.”

Foster has survived on conference coffee and mints at Rugby HQ, awaiting his chance for the last fortnight as the power brokers surround the negotiating table. “I’ve learned three new chords on YouTube tutorials, and I’m excited about my latest restring. When the call comes, I’m ready.”

“No-one’s letting him out there with the guitar,” confirmed NZ Rugby CEO Mark Robinson at yesterday’s AGM. “On the bus, fine. At a camp, fine. Right now, it’s a hard no.”

Thanks for reading - Richard

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