Champions League football bluffers guide
Trophies are about to be handed out in Europe. The ghastly Manchester City, all middle east oil money, unpleasant players and strangely compelling knitwear have one hand on England's Premier League, despite being run close by Liverpool, all emotion and frustration.
More interesting is the Champions League, where Europe's best clubs go head to head. We're at the semi finals, which will be played over two legs at NZ-friendly viewing times starting on Wednesday with Tottenham v Ajax at 7am and Barcelona v Liverpool at 7am on Thursday. Here's your guide to the teams:
Tottenham Hotspur
My team. Traditionally known for playing pretty football and not wining much, it's their first time in the semi finals, thanks to a win over Man City in the previous round that was crazier than being chauffeured about by your cat. Star man Harry Kane is out injured but luckily Korean international Hueng Min Son has been banging them in all over the place.
CL wins - none
Managerial fashion - Mauricio Pochettino's black on black look screams 'Sorry mate, private function', but I'm into it
Ajax
Everyone has a soft spot for this Dutch team, who've produced some of the game's all time superstars over the years thanks to investment in scouting the best youth players and coaching the crap out of them. This year's team are young and wonderful, but they'll mostly be sold to the European giants over the summer, so enjoy this while you can.
CL wins - Won it four times, the last in 1995
Managerial fashion - Erik ten Hag's knitwear under suits effort is handy if you're off for a job interview but might do a hike on the way
Liverpool
Anything is possible with Liverpool, but going agonisingly close has been their trademark in recent times. Egyptian Mo Salah is their star, but their spirit and system have been the real key to success. A sleeping giant, Liverpool's challenge lately has been building sustainable progress and under Jurgen Klopp, they might have finally done it
CL wins - Five, last in 2005
Managerial fashion - Jurgen Klopp's ball caps, funky eyewear and scarves are perfect for last-minute Christmas shopping down Oxford Street
Barcelona
The favourites. Lead by superstar Leo Messi, Barcelona are the standard everyone else has to meet. They should have the measure of Liverpool and anyone they should meet, but are in the rare position of wrecking other teams' fairytales, rather than creating their own.
CL wins - Five, last in 2015
Managerial fashion - Barcelona have nothing to prove, and with simple, classy suits and ties, neither does Ernesto Valverde
Thanks for reading - Richard
The week's best NZ sport writing
A look at the issues around better gender representation on New Zealand's sporting boards - some could definitely do more [LockerRoom]
The brains v brawn debate with its icky racial undertones has always been a rubbish angle of our selection discussion - Jamie Wall takes it down [Metro]
No-one's really nailed Moneyball for Rugby - the closest just might be Dr Paul Bracewell, who's created a system for rating rugby players [Stuff]
Dylan Cleaver rates the potential rugby world cup crisis facign the All Blacks [NZ Herald]
Video nasty
When on-court marriage proposals go bad. Spoilers, but it features a would-be groom being comforted (not very well) by a mascot.
Long read
Long-serving San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich has a secret to building high-performing teams - dinners, and being a world class wine connoisseur [ESPN]
Selected weekend fixtures
In the rugby, your best bet is Hurricanes v Chiefs from Welly on Saturday night at 7.30pm, it's on SKY
NBA Playoffs - Spurs are up 3-2 v the Nuggets, they play Saturday at 12, while the world will be supporting the Clippers, down 2-3 against the Warriors, on Saturday at 2pm, they're on SKY and NBA League Pass
The Phoenix take on top of the table Perth Glory on Sunday night at 9pm from Perth, it's on SKY
Bring back the gif
When someone nicks your Easter eggs.
