A mormon missionary stands at your door and enthuses about the All Black coaching appointment process to establish rapport
Sport Review #224
Hola. Mate!
Man, these kiwi All Blacks know how you keep you on the edge of your seat. You never know who’s going to coach the team! Outta sight!
One minute you’re going down to the giants of South American rugby - that’s Argentina! - in an epic battle at the mighty Orangetheory, and the next you’re securing a draw at Twickenham! But I hope you’re sitting down amigo, because anyone could be coaching this team week to week!
In one corner you got Fozzie! The Bear! Mastermind of a 67% winning record! You can’t just go buy that 2009 Chiefs campaign experience!
In the next you got Razor! More laid back than a three day old quesadilla! He can’t lose, except in All Black appointments!
Then you got New Zealand Rugby! These guys know how to put on a show! They got full confidence in Fozzie, but they also love making decisions! First they put Razor on standby then they bring in the GOAT, joltin’ Joe Schmidt to put the boys through their paces! He’s like a rugby Gandalf!
Then BAM! They swap all the assistant coaches! Smash me in the face with holy, holy water, I was not expecting that! Jason Ryan you da man! Rollin like a puncture-free tyre!
Next thing you know we’ve got a full blown appointment process. Have mercy! I’m refreshin’ my phone every coupla hours for more news!
Man. I thought rugby was totally tubular already - throw in massive uncertainty about who’s sittin’ pretty in the coaching box every week and it’s must-see-TV! All hail the geniuses at Silver Lake, Drive to Survive could never!
Peace out!
More Mormon missionaries establishing rapport from sportreview.net.nz
Thanks for reading - Richard
This week's best NZ sport content
If you’re the kind of nerd who scans people’s bookshelves on Zoom calls for The Art of Captaincy, you’re going to love Hamish McDougall’s cricket book collection [NZ Herald]
Seeing picture after picture of Eden Park’s outer cricket oval underwater has Sportsfreak questioning why we bother any more [Sportsfreak]
Krysten Cottrell takes down possums and stoats through the week, then plays for the Blues at the weekends [Locker Room]
To contrast this, take an imaginary French midfielder we’ll call Jean-Pierre Dubois. After the selectors make it clear his solid but short-of-sensational 35-test career is over, he doesn’t start eyeing up contracts in Japan. He sees out the final two years of his four-year contract at Bayonne, and once they indicate they are looking elsewhere for their next centre, he picks up a two-year deal at Beziers, where they think his experience could be vital in trying to lift them out of the Pro D2 and into the Top 14.
His take-home pay is not the same as when he was France’s first-choice No13, but it’s a gently sloping downward curve.
In New Zealand, a player’s salary is so tied to his international status that there is no curve. It is a cliff.
Dylan Cleaver on the extremely unsatisfactory playing cycle that Silver Lake will sort out no doubt [The Bounce]
Not sport related, but very cool (click through):
Video nasty
Thursday get shot, that’s pretty much it.
Long read
A teetotaller’s search for a drinkable non-alcohol beer, and negotiating bars and gatherings as a sober person (Related - I’ve (tried) to take this excellent advice) [New Yorker, Lifehacker]
Recommendation
The American Ivy podcast on ivy league and preppy fashion’s origins and massive influence is highly recommended [Articles of Interest]
Bring back the gif
When Auckland gets a cyclone on top of floods.
