All the New Zealanders that are going to be interviewed on the streets of Paris during the Olympics

Sport Review #287

Disappointingly, going up to people in the street and asking them about stuff they have no idea about is an all-too-frequent feature of political and indeed sporting coverage. Vox pops are wildly out of control on TV1 in particular, making up around 45% of a 6pm news bulletin - well, get set for plenty more where that came from during the Paris Olympiad, because not only are they a likely source of ‘colour’, but also a very effective space-filler. Here’s Sport Review’s guide to what you can expect to see over the next few weeks.

Parents of athletes - you’re 100% getting on TV. Most awkward when an athlete competes over multiple days and we check in with mum and dad frequently, with everything getting increasingly stilted thanks to folks back home sending feedback on Facebook messenger.

People in costumes - if you are dressed as kiwi, kiwifruit or jandal, you are getting on TV, regardless if you’re fully cramping from the uncomfortable nature of your outfit and absolutely reek of sweat and too little too late Lynx Africa.

Brand ambassador - what are the chances a TV crew runs into you, gold medal legend, strolling along the banks of the Seine in your emblazoned polo shirt in a city of 2.6 million? This is some truly uncanny shit.

French people with no idea or interest in what a New Zealand is - if you’ve been to Paris, you know to generally leave the locals alone, they just want to get on with buying their shallots and Lacoste and getting the wines in. So when a TV crew that doesn’t speak the language gets up in their grill asking about the All Black sevens, you’re likely to get a heartfelt “Va te faire foutre et laisse-moi tranquille,” and sharp heel turn.

Boys on the piss - after a long day singing Slice of Heaven, trying to start mexican waves and drinking 43 beers, tired and emotional boys groups are TV gold. There’s a lot of shouting and interrupting, along with ample chat about immediately getting resuming being on the piss at the interview’s cessation, but not a lot else.

Earnest actual sport fan - you’ve saved for years for a trip to the archery at Les Invalides, and when the camera turns on you want to discuss the medal chances, not answer questions about your ability to find pineapple lumps or some shit.

Boomers having an intense one - what is even the point of going overseas if you can’t lord it over the folks on the community Facebook page back home, and getting on TV1, home of Coronation Street and Country Calendar, is the A1 media opportunity, especially after copious pastis. Just remember to actually answer the questions asked, not just shout out the girls on the wines back home.

Folks at the local sports club in New Zealand - Zoi Sadowski-Synnott’s dad is obviously the gold standard here. Great TV, with the bright lights being thrust on wild-haired and sleep deprived folks who look like they got up at 3am because they literally did.

Thanks for reading - Richard

This week's best NZ sport content

Dylan Cleaver and Rowan Simpson are doing frequent Olympic updates through the games - the former with a savvy read of the day’s play and links to the best coverage, the latter with typically thoughtful analysis, including this very fair piece on what should be an Olympic sport

Jim Mora talks to Ian Borthwick, a photographer and journalist living in Paris on the vibes ahead of the games [RNZ]

In a real time saver, Cameron McMillan has ranked every NZ athlete’s chances of a medal, while Locker Room has an Olympic guide focused on women athletes [NZ Herald, Locker Room]

Generally, All Blacks don’t talk to the media very often, and don’t say very much when they do. Shayne Currie has some thoughts [NZ Herald]

Twitter user Mark Currie with some sharp work:

Video nasty

TIL that Billy Idol sidekick Steve Stevens plays the Top Gun theme, alongside Axel F legend Harold Faltermeyer. This goes ridiculously hard.

Long read

Guardian ace Simon Hattenstone interviews Victoria Pendleton, the double Olympic gold medal track cyclist who was treated appallingly and bloody miserable for her life as an athlete [Guardian]

Recommendation 

100 celebrities urging you to read at the library - great advice. David Bowie, Bill Gates and REM are my favs - the top ten is ridiculous.