All the things to say at your Warriors coaching interview
Sport Review #120
I love Rugby League!
Great start. The Warriors are a Rugby League club playing in a Rugby League competition in Australia, establishing common ground is key.
I want to coach in the NRL.
Sure mate, we all want to coach at the Broncos or the Storm, but no-one gets handed those sweet sweet roles without some hard learnings at a shithouse club like the Warriors. Don’t verbalise that last bit.
I’m interested in the Warriors coaching job.
Steady. This is one of the most poisoned chalices in all of sport, if they think you’re actually interested, they might think you’re a nutter and rule you out. Best to pretend you were looking for somewhere to charge your phone and stay quiet.
I know where we’ve gone wrong.
Thin ice fella! No-one’s capable of that level of research!
Is the board involved in decision making all, because the last few years looks like lurching from one shit geyser to another, if there’s a plan I’m not seeing it.
While you’re technically correct, and this is certainly a question that will help you stand out from the pack, there are likely sensitivities around massive and chronic underachievement. Maybe talk about your biggest weakness or something instead.
Can I talk to the previous coaches?
Don’t you look at Wikipedia mate?!? The Warriors have had 16 coaches in the last two years, you can’t take up all your time talking to all those guys when you have to do some coaching! Be sensible!
What colour do the Warriors play in?
The Warriors’ playing strip is determined by a magical bearded elf with massive rings that pulls into the Mount Smart carpark on a Harley every Friday at 3.15pm and throws the kit at waiting staff. It’s a closely guarded secret and if you even hint you know about the elf you could be marked down as a leaker. Move on, and don’t push this line.
Graham Lowe should shut the fuck up!
You’re nailing this!
Do the Warriors have a sensory deprivation tank? That locks from the inside and you can’t hear anything of the outside world?
This is a stressful, stressful job, and if the board think you’re already planning on spending long periods of time alone in a dark chamber listening to dolphin sound, they’re probably going to mark you down as a top strategist! Nice work!
Thanks for reading - Richard
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Profiles of Justin Nelson, who put the remarkable NBL together in the middle of COVID, and the Nuggets’ GM Angela Rukse, who led the team come back and win it all [Stuff, Locker Room]
The story of Deliverance, Wellington’s very tricky single track mountain bike run and the people that built it [NZ Mountain Biker]
Andy Burt talks to Brian Crump about Facing The Haka, the book he wrote with Jamie Wall [RNZ]
Video nasty
In case you haven’t seen this yet.
Long read
If you’re going to walk 1000kms around Japan, a search for Pizza Toast sounds like an excellent reason [Eater]
Recommendation
The Floor Is Lava is extremely cool family content and is on Netflix.
Selected weekend fixtures
It’s Hurricanes v Chiefs from Wellington tomorrow night at 7pm, and Crusaders v Highlanders on Sunday 3.30pm in the rugger, it’s on SKY
The Warriors play Manly at 8pm tonight, it’s on SKY
On Monday it’s Pulse v Tactix at 7pm in the netball, it’s on SKY
Bring back the gif
When you hear the courier.
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