Americas Cup flotilla confident of reaching Barcelona
Sport Review #293
NEWSDESK: Despite grave safety concerns, a group of retirees is confident they can sail to Barcelona, Spain, in time for the America’s Cup regatta.
“We always sail to support the Team New Zealand sailors. Last time we sailed from our Coromandel bolthole to Auckland, but I’m sure crossing the Pacific Ocean shouldn’t be problem, we’ve spent considerable time in Fiji. Go kiwi!,” said group spokesperson Delwyn Fixed-Rate.
“I spent days on booking.com and the accommodation in Spain is just too dear. We’ve got a perfectly good yacht just sitting there, packed with marmite and pinot gris. We can live on it. Sailing just makes sense.”
Risks of sailing to Barcelona include vast stretches of open water, pirates and crew turning on each other over cheating at cards, fuelled by gin.
A Coastguard New Zealand spokesperson said “Basically, if anyone is stupid enough to sail to Spain, they’re on their own once they reach international waters. We’ve had queries from this group about wifi range, Herald delivery and Uber Eats on the open water. I don’t know these people, but I recommend they take emergency precautions and get their wills in order.”
“Look, we’re more worried about what Adrian Orr’s up to than storms, doldrums-induced hallucination or turning to cannibalism to survive,” said Warren All-Bird. We’ll be there before you can say ‘tapas’, I just hope Barcelona is ready for facepaint, little New Zealand flags, and the official Team New Zealand merchandise tent has plenty of stock!”
Thanks for reading - Richard
This week's best NZ sport content
Dame Lisa speaks to Steve Kilgallon and Matt and Jerry, they’re very good but very different interviews [Stuff, Hauraki]
All about the Netball NZ turning 100, branding the Silver Ferns and logos and their designers [Locker Room]
The politicians make their picks for the AB’s v South Africa [Newsroom]
Midweek Media Watch is banged up watching sport, here’s the great man Colin Peacock on Aussie league commentators and haka disrespect [RNZ]
Mitch ‘flatline’ Santner is good at everything - there’s cricket but also golf and Ryan Fox reckons he’d be good enough to go on the pro tour should he wish to [NZ Herald]
Video nasty
They both look rubbish to be fair. Jarvis quite a surprise.
Long read
All about hawk eye line judges, data analysis and betting in tennis [The Verge]
Recommendation
Here’s the story behind those amazing Olympics photographs [Guardian]
