America's Cup winners and losers

Sport Review #146

Winners

Team New Zealand - obviously. A class act on the sailing and the boat building.

Barkers Mens Clothing - Dean Barker came back from almost sinking his team’s yacht to rock an amazing selection of retro tees and rugby jersies on the TV1 studio couch. But - come on. As part of the family, Deano must have an amazing archive of true vintage Barkers pieces - let’s see those instead of the re-issues. Anyway, he certainly showed he’s a super sharp analyst of what’s going on out there, as well as an extremely decent bloke.

The Viaduct - despite holding a complicated event in a literal world of shit, people turned up in droves.

Peter Burling - who’s obviously watched how fellow Tauranga Boys’ alumni Kane Williamson handles most interviews by playing down his own massive achievements by deflecting to his team mates and the competition. True champion.

Live crosses - you couldn’t move in the Viaduct for crews filming reporters coming in live to tell you something they found out a few minutes ago. There were equally breathless reports from rooms of people watching the yachting on TV and in places like the Viaduct and North Head where there were big groups of people who’d all just left.

New Zealand - once the COVID was back in its box we got to carry on with being in crowds and complaining about taxpayer and ratepayer money being spunked on the Auckland Cup once again.

People getting pissed on boats and yelling at TV crews - anyone who’s sailed knows that once your feet leave the shore you’re expected to be out of your mind on the drink. If you’re a connoisseur of people completely unprepared to speak to the nation being put on the air, this event delivered in spades.

Losers

The wind - the flow of gases caused by differences in atmospheric pressure had a nightmare. Sure, we got one race on the inner harbour when it blew and the boats flew, but that’s what the whole thing was meant to be. A fickle mistress, let’s hope it turns up for the next one.

People who think Jimmy Spithill is a wanker - you are wrong, he is a class act that would be a national hero if he was a New Zealander. He goes hard, gives a straight answer when asked a question and is ultra gracious with it. Heaven help us if he gets another decent boat.

Time - frankly, time went into the TV1 studio to die in a drawn out but merciless execution. Toni, Scotty and the gang had a lot of it to fill - it’s a thankless task but god it was painful viewing. See also: 1 News viewers who want to find out about news.

People who miss the days when you could go make a cup of tea during an America’s Cup race - your time is done. Check out this KZ7 clip for a reminder of what we used to cope with - it’s gripping, sure, but in a snail race kind of way.

Grant Dalton - whether for historic perceived injustices or fresh new perceived injustices, Dalts is still massively divisive despite delivering a new class of boat and successful defence.

People who don’t enjoy drama and conjecture - sorry, but as soon as the racing is over the arguing about the next one and who’s paying for it gets underway IMMEDIATELY. Pray for the decision makers and comms people.

Thanks for reading - Richard

The week's best NZ sport content

Confused about why the first races were so close despite us having a rocket ship? Dana Johannsen has the clearest explanation yet [Stuff]

…while Suzanne McFadden tell the story of the famous race eight, the comeback that may have ultimately won us the cup [Newsroom]

Finn Henry joined the Team New Zealand shore crew, started working out alongside the sailor and wound up on the boat. Micheal Burgess has his story [North and South]

It was the anniversary of Nathan Astle’s 222 this week - Andrew McGlashan spoke to just about everyone involved [Cricinfo]

Video nasty

Lee Ralph was an enigmatic figure in my 1980s skateboard-obsessed youth - the Kiwi that popped up in my Transworld Skateboard Magazines, got his own board, then disappeared. The Spinoff’s Scratched tracked him down to find out what happened.

Long read

These guys modify Nerf blasters to make them shoot foam bullets faster and further than safely recommended. And now they’re selling the tech on the internet. Don’t let the kids read it [The Verge]

Recommendation

Get the new Metro. If you enjoy its traditional mix of weighty reads, quality light ones and magnificent design, along with a deep appreciation of our greatest city, it’s all there under editor Henry Oliver. Plus - there are up to the second tips on the best places to eat and drink. The second issue since being rescued from the Bauer collapse is out now.

Bring back the gif 

When you set time limits on the kids’ wifi.

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