ANALYSIS - further NZR venture capital opportunities
Sport Review #196
Venture capital hey? It’s a wild ride. One minute you’re touching down at San Jose International and taking the Telsa Battle Truck to the boardroom and eating caviar off a clipboard while vlogging, the next you’re being sent spreadsheet after power point with red numbers and KPI’s and having things like ‘ROI’ and ‘personal liability’ shouted down the phone at you by a lawyer in a hot tub.
Money doesn’t need sleep, so now our national game has either secured rugby’s future / sold its very soul (delete one) with Silver Lake, the way is clear for more investment partner opportunities.
Everyone knows the Californian tech giants know their Richies from their Dans and the offers are queuing up, and so Sport Review Finance has performed key analysis on the costs and benefits of future deals:
Apple
Pros
Steve Jobs hologram to give Phil Gould-like inspirational korero before big test matches.
Hopefully there would be trickle down free Apple shit for all New Zealanders.
Cons
iBlacks rebrand backlash.
All Blacks Android app just gives random scores.
All Blacks have to wear airpods during the haka.
Google
Pros
Prioritised search results when Ian Foster is looking for new ideas.
Cons
Ill-conceived athlete Google Glass activation leads to facial injuries.
Rugby ads following you all around the internet.
Facebook
Pros
Maybe the guys can find out what Mark Zuckerberg’s deal is and let us know.
Cons
Hard-case rugby meme banter pages painfully emboldened.
Waystar Royco
Pros
You’re definitely tuning in to see which kiwi journo Logan tells to fuck off at the announcement.
Hanging with Roman at the Eden Park corporate would be an awesome time.
Cons
More likely to get Connor looking after us than Tom :(
Scrooge McDuck
Pros
You’d have to think pre-match speeches would be pretty inspirational.
Sam Cane would probably get a photo op in the money pool.
Cons
He literally has Scrooge in his name.
Thanks for reading - Richard
This week's best NZ sport content
Silver Lake - Dylan Cleaver had all the background before the big announcement with a gentle reminder that the deal has revenue performance requirements attached, while Paul Cully outlines what the deal means for provincial unions’ and the game’s survival in NZ [The Bounce, Stuff]
As the dust settles on the most eventful White Ferns contract announcement ever, Kristy Havill makes the case for Amy Satterthwaite deserving what’s now known as the Ross Taylor treatment, while Ryan Nixon points out that this is simply professional sport operating as it always has [Locker Room, Sportsfreak]
The Bounce also uncovered a cracking yarn from the heady world of Taranaki bowls, with hotel desk meltdowns, a boozy afternoon session, hurt pride and resignations [Stuff]
Video nasty
Strap in, Sharks! is a wild ride.
Long read
Movies nerds who enjoy the Rewatchables podcast will enjoy a new level of nerdery with the new category mailbag episode, recommended stuff [The Ringer]
Recommendation
Hanging out with the new Right, the latest set of conservative, edgy and generally exhausting folks trying to take back the Republican party and presumably power [Vanity Fair]
Bring back the gif
Getting set for the Jubilee celebrations.
