BREAKING: Eden Park seeks permission to host Roman Games

Sport Review #157

Eden Park Trust has submitted a resource consent to host Roman Games-style gladiator contests.

Fresh from successfully obtaining permission to host concerts like popular people playing musical instruments Six60, the Sandringham stadium is confident combative bloodshed and cruelty will be a strong contender for kiwis’ entertainment dollar.

“Eden Park is the home of sporting theatre, but nothing says ‘game changer’ like giving one of the athletes a net and a spear,” said Eden Park CEO Nick Sautner. “Every kid loves a tiger, and being able to experience the big cat right here in Auckland chasing people across the outfield and potentially into the stands will certainly create some memories.”

Eden Park’s neighbours are yet to be convinced. “This is a leafy, leafy suburb, and we have reservations about how frenzied hoardes driven to bloodlust spilling into darkened streets will affect how we sell our homes to developers. Everyone who lived through the Waikato crowd of ‘93 will know what I mean.”

A community outreach programme giving Sandringham residents the chance to encounter a hungry, hungry grizzly bear in the South Stand still has an OSH investigation pending.

Eden Park catering is getting into the spirt, offering Wild Boar and tripe on a cardboard tray, while at the bar punters can enjoy a sheep’s bladder full of wine. Corporate patrons will have the option of having their box filled with grapes for crushing with their feet, or a catered orgy.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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