Christmas Gift Guide with Sean Fitzpatrick
Sport Review #221
Mum
Mums do it all. Organise the family get together. Christmas shopping. Provide emotional support and guidance when there’s precious little elsewhere. Decorate the tree. Mums always think of others ahead of themselves, which is why you need to really get it right at Christmas time. So the perfect gift for mum is some of those Canterbury track suit pants with domes down the sides you can unbutton to cool down if she’s got too hot running in and out of Briscoes getting replacement napkin rings or going back to the supermarket for the third time that day because you forgot to get brandy snaps. It’s going to be a really special Christmas.
Neighbour
Just keep some Roses by the front door if it looks like they’re getting you something, play it smart.
Dad
Dads are hard to buy for. Tough. Gruff. Just love watching rugby and doing jobs that prevent them from communicating with the family for hours at time like clearing gutters or tidying the shed. He’s already got nine pairs of woolly socks. But if you want dad to be present with you on Christmas day, play it safe and get him a one-on-one business mentorship Zoom call subscription with renowned businessman and rugby pundit Sean Fitzpatrick*. And 24 Steinlagers.
*Actual Zoom call may be with renowned businessman and rugby pundit Sean Fitzpatrick, or one of his team as specified in the contract
Daughter
It’s actually criminal that kids can grow up in modern day New Zealand totally unaware of the elite banter level created by the 1989 All Black touring party of Wales and Ireland. They don’t know about JK’s commentary. They don’t know about Zinzan riding the donkey. They don’t know about the chambray shirts. Nothing, nothing will bring dads and daughters together like watching the award winning documentary The Good The Bad And The Rugby featuring behind the scenes footage of All Black legends like Sean Fitzpatrick among others. So track down a VHS copy, while making sure all appropriate licensing fees to the original talent has been taken care of. You’ll also need a VHS player.
Boss
24 Steinlagers is industry standard, but you want to time it carefully so that they’ve got no real option but to open the box then and there and offer you some.
Son
Kids eh? Playstation. Tik Toks. Petty crime. The greatest gift you can give a young man is a good talking to about the values that made the 1995 All Blacks great and how even though hypothetically a captain may have missed out on actual All Black world cup glory, that arguably going to South Africa and winning a test series in 1996 is arguably just as great an achievement when you really think about it and how that kind of unparalleled experience is unbeatable qualification for being an expert rugby comments person and also charging a pretty penny for a business advice Zoom call with said ex-captain.*
*Or one of his team as specified in the contract
Postie
After they’ve spent August through December lugging cases of Bordeaux red and furniture up the long drive (and to say sorry for the doberman bites), there’s nothing more thoughtful you can give your postie than a commemorative Laureus World Sports Award Charity Golf towel that’s still got plenty of life left in it.
Thanks for reading - Richard
This week's best NZ sport content
Dylan Cleaver looks at the test captaincy handover and why Tim Southee has been handed the blazer, while Ian Anderson reviews looks at Kane’s test captaincy style and results [The Bounce, Stuff]
It was Ruahei (Lu) and Maiakawankaulani Roos. They'd only landed back in New Zealand a few days beforehand, but were out on the turf doing pre-season training. Not a ball in sight, just sprints to halfway and back, over and over.
Jamie Wall on Ruahei Demant [RNZ]
The Athlete’s Co-Operative is taking High Performance Sport to court to make the argument they’re employees, and secure the benefits players in team-structured sports like rugby or cricket enjoy [The Detail]
Reviewing NZC’s 2017’s Women In Cricket report is a reminder of the meagre resources and coverage compared to what we have now - but, as always, there’s still loads to do, especially around participation and governance [Locker Room]
Can’t wait for this:
Video nasty
‘Just a couple of smarmy kids’
Long read
The long, complicated and fascinating story of artists Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan’s relationship and demise [Vanity Fair]
Recommendation
I’ve been watching Scott Brown’s carpentry channel for a year, despite having no clue about building, tools or indeed anything. There’s something extremely satisfying about watching someone who knows what they’re doing perform tasks efficiently, and now he’s halfway through renovating his own Nelson home, now’s a good time to catch up.
Bring back the gif
When someone says Christmas is next week.
