Eden Park residents present vision for future complaining

Sport Review #234

May 04, 2023

Eden Park resident Julian ColdBrew has released Future Fuss Budget, a vision for complaining about Eden Park to keep pace with proposed developments.

With the Trust Board releasing plans for Eden Park 2.0, catering for 60,000 sports fans or concert goers, Future Fuss Budget shared a new capacity for niggle and moaning with media.

The glossy website includes a drone flyover video of ColdBrew speed-dialling noise control before circling over Nancy Rover-Defender pacing about her patio looking cross, before moving to several residents in expensive eye and rain wear looking on approvingly while a car is towed.

“People need to put themselves in our shoes,” ColdBrew told reporters. “Just as you’re settling in to enjoy your new free jazz vinyl on the headphones and tuck into some vegan brisket, someone goes and parks their car on your street! I said to Brownie at tennis, ‘as my mate, can’t you do something?’, and Brownie is no drongo.”

Residents planned to counter plans for a Kingsland-Stadium pedestrian bridge with an artisan cheese tasting stall barricade.

Further political firepower is also on the way. “We understand Helen Clark’s ex-colleague Boutros Boutros-Ghali is set to move to Sandringham. We also understand Boutros can’t fucking stand Ed Sheeran, or the Hurricanes, which is very positive.”

ColdBrew also revealed his family trust owns apartments with sweeping views of multiple proposed water front stadium sites, making for perfect downtown complaint making bases.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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