EURO 24 Q&A
Sport Review #282
Sport? What?
We’re entering that freaky time of year where the European summer throws up one must-watch sporting event after another. Wimbledon! Tour de France! Etc! The greatest of them all is the UEFA football European Championships, with most of the world’s best players battling it out. For people that believe a fast game is a good game in these days of bloated tournaments, the Euros weigh in at just 24 teams, which feels quite svelte compared to a modern World Cup.
Is that on Sky? Disney+? Doc Play?
Luckily, it’s live and free on TVNZ here in New Zealand, with many of the games are on at work-from-home-I’ll-just-be-in-late-carry-on-without-me-friendly times so you can fully immerse yourself.
Who are the super stars?
France’s Kylian Mbappé is pretty much the best player in the world, and generally performs better for his country than his club - he’s just earned eleventy squillion Euros signing for plucky Real Madrid, so will either be distracted or engaged, who could tell? England has Jude Bellingham and Phil Foden, who are both brilliant, but also quite similar, so expect plenty of pontificating as to who should play where. Also watch Belgium’s veteran Kevin De Bruyne and Croatia’s even-more-veteran Luka Modric, they are amazing.
Who are the villains?
Saudi Arabia Portugal’s Ronaldo. And Germany’s wrecker of dreams Antonio Rudiger.
Who has the best Tin-Tin inspired kit?
Erm, Belgium, in a limited field.
Any other good kits?
Honestly, they are bloody boring. Scotland home and Netherlands away are my picks.
Who is good?
Eight of the world’s top ten teams are in this tournament - big guns like the hosts Germany as well as France, Italy and Spain are all going to be tough, but watch out for teams like Belgium, Portugal and the Netherlands. In a relatively compact tournament everyone has a chance, but a repeat of Greece’s 150-1 win in 2000 seems unlikely unfortunately.
Is Sport Review going to make a case for England again?
You know it. Unfortunately Gareth Southgate has made a huge mistake by not selecting any Tottenham players, but nevertheless, they will be very very strong. Along with Premier League heavy hitters Foden, Saka and Rice, there’s proper superstars Bellingham, and Harry Kane - who let’s just say is due a trophy.
Manager Gareth Southgate is a thoroughly decent man and has said he’s likely to finish up his team doesn’t win - they only lost on penalties last time and are arguably stronger now. As long as they can cope with the unbearable weight of expectation from home, they will have every chance. What a story that would be.
What should I say to sound knowledgable in the cafeteria?
Football! Yeah! Geez. Great it’s on TVNZ. Eh. Italy were good this morning! Cavelonidechio. What a player! England? Bloody hell! They’ll go out on penalties in the semi! Har! Har. Are you going to use the milk?
What if I need something to listen to while walking the dog?
The Rest Is Football and Football Weekly, the Guardian’s football pod have got you.
Who can concentrate on football when there’s so much war and far right bad shit going on in Europe?
Yeah, bloody hell eh. Read this, it might make you feel slightly better.
Thanks for reading - Richard
This week's best NZ sport content
The boys’ chat with Steve Tew is full of court sessions, filling trophies with beer, taking weeks off to carry the All Blacks' (and no other teams’) shit about, drinking and fire. Kind of typifying rugbyhead culture but then also being in charge of the Respect and Responsibility review - it’s fascinating stuff [Between Two Beers]
Gregor Paul reckons the latest All Black documentary is a missed opportunity, with the kimono unsatisfactorily opening - for a counterpoint, check out friend of Sport Review and NZR Digital supremo Andy Burt talking to Sean Callanan to give the NZR+ sales pitch, including some lessons learned in the first few months [NZ Herald, Sports Geek podcast]
Top radio guy and top man D’Arcy Waldegrave on his adult ADHD diagnosis and its positive impact on his life [NZ Herald]
The Detail on Alex Paulson, who’s rocketed from Phoenix reserves to first team and now to the Premier League with (Auckland FC feeder club) Bournemouth FC [RNZ]
Video nasty
Greatest. Chase scene. Ever.
Long read
Sport Review’s peak spreadsheet achievement is sorting by column C, and would survive only seconds at the World Microsoft Excel Championship [The Verge]
Recommendation
The Bee Sting is a white knuckle ride - the glowing reviews are correct.