Exclusive: The LEAKED Canterbury mafia Zoom tapes
Sport Review #152
|Richard Irvine||May 6|
The Canterbury mafia loves nothing better than breaking your heart. Whether you’re a Hurricanes fan in the fog, a hapless 2000’s NSW team or Dave Latta, the boys in red and black are the Death Star of rugby and your worst nightmare.
In a devastating strike for freedom, Sport Review has been exclusively LEAKED footage of a top-secret Canterbury mafia Zoom call ahead of Saturday night’s Super Rugby final, when New Zealand’s Team, the people’s mighty Chiefs will definitely go to Christchurch and win.
Grizz: Let’s get underway arseholes. Richie, if you’re in that fucken chopper can you go on mute?
Richie: *LOUD NOISES* Sorry boys. *LOUD NOISE STOPS*
Grizz: Fucken finally.
Robbie: So. We’re getting another title on Saturday night. Have we paid off the ref?
Dan: Chemist Warehouse vouchers have been signed for.
Robbie: Who are we playing?
Razor: I’m pretty sure it’s the Chiefs.
Robbie: Have you done any scouting?
Razor: I had the boys on the job but they wound up signing up most of their best high school players instead. It’s OK, I’ve had a look at the tries on Facebook.
Robbie: Good enough.
Grizz: Anything else?
The Wizard: I’ve cursed the shit out them.
Ben Stokes: I sent them world cup final footage on What’s App, they’ve all blocked me now.
Grizz: So we’re definitely winning that then. What about legacy projects?
Richie: *LOUD NOISES* I’ve got some new sponsors. *LOUD NOISE STOPS*
Steve Tew: I’ve highjacked the Silver Lake bizzo just for us. It’s being laundered through the Ballantynes oilskin department as we speak.
Gerry Brownlee: We’re renaming Palmerston North to Christchurch North when we get back in.
Grizz: Hmmmm. I guess.
Robbie: We’re just about done. Any plans for Saturday night?
Razor: Got a new break move, it’s called the Skinny Jean Egg Beater.
Richard Hadlee: Love it.
Grizz: Right that’s enough. Someone make sure there’s room in the trophy cabinet, and remember to turn the lights off, electricity’s bloody expensive. Meeting fucken adjourned.
Thanks for reading - Richard
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