Exclusive: The LEAKED Canterbury mafia Zoom tapes

Sport Review #152

The Canterbury mafia loves nothing better than breaking your heart. Whether you’re a Hurricanes fan in the fog, a hapless 2000’s NSW team or Dave Latta, the boys in red and black are the Death Star of rugby and your worst nightmare.

In a devastating strike for freedom, Sport Review has been exclusively LEAKED footage of a top-secret Canterbury mafia Zoom call ahead of Saturday night’s Super Rugby final, when New Zealand’s Team, the people’s mighty Chiefs will definitely go to Christchurch and win.

Grizz: Let’s get underway arseholes. Richie, if you’re in that fucken chopper can you go on mute?

Richie: *LOUD NOISES* Sorry boys. *LOUD NOISE STOPS*

Grizz: Fucken finally.

Robbie: So. We’re getting another title on Saturday night. Have we paid off the ref?

Dan: Chemist Warehouse vouchers have been signed for.

Robbie: Who are we playing?

Razor: I’m pretty sure it’s the Chiefs.

Robbie: Have you done any scouting?

Razor: I had the boys on the job but they wound up signing up most of their best high school players instead. It’s OK, I’ve had a look at the tries on Facebook.

Robbie: Good enough.

Grizz: Anything else?

The Wizard: I’ve cursed the shit out them.

Ben Stokes: I sent them world cup final footage on What’s App, they’ve all blocked me now.

Grizz: So we’re definitely winning that then. What about legacy projects?

Richie: *LOUD NOISES* I’ve got some new sponsors. *LOUD NOISE STOPS*

Steve Tew: I’ve highjacked the Silver Lake bizzo just for us. It’s being laundered through the Ballantynes oilskin department as we speak.

Gerry Brownlee: We’re renaming Palmerston North to Christchurch North when we get back in.

Grizz: Hmmmm. I guess.

Robbie: We’re just about done. Any plans for Saturday night?

Razor: Got a new break move, it’s called the Skinny Jean Egg Beater.

Richard Hadlee: Love it.

Grizz: Right that’s enough. Someone make sure there’s room in the trophy cabinet, and remember to turn the lights off, electricity’s bloody expensive. Meeting fucken adjourned.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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