Gutted - Rob Penny blasts Crusaders car park policy on hot mic

Sport Review #279

May 23, 2024

NEWSDESK: The Crusaders were forced to issue an embarrassing apology when under fire coach Rob Penny’s unedited views on the 14 Super Rugby title winning franchise’s new carparking policy were caught on a live microphone.

“Tried to park my f**cking Ranger into the a**e h**e park but some other s**t d**k had their s**t f**k Ranger in there. W**k s**t,” said Penny, allegedly.

It followed a tense media session when Penny responded to questions about the Crusaders’ 2-10 record with cryptic answers about parking utility vehicles, saying “I won’t be sharing my parking strategy with you.”

Leaked documents reveal the Crusaders organisations’ new car parking policy meant the space allotted to Penny’s Mongoose model Ranger was now a free space.

Crusaders CEO Colin Mansbridge issued an apology on Penny’s behalf, but refused to comment on an alleged Ute-off, with Penny’s Ranger blocking the car park exit for 45 minutes until a Crusaders HR intervention.

“F**k w**k park s**t,” said Penny in the carpark, before being led away.

Former All Black and Canterbury coach Steve Hanson sympathised with Penny’s situation, saying “In a high performance culture, you want to work on the 1%ers/ If you have to walk that extra 10-15 metres to the office because some s**t w**k parked his Ranger where your Ranger is meant to go, it’s a distraction you don’t need.”

Hanson clarified he was unable to sympathise with Penny’s 2-10 record because “I’m a fucking winner, look it up.”

Thanks for reading - Richard (new and improved website!)

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