How to move on from 2019's sporting trauma
Studies show a triple world cup year is more stressful than moving house while entertaining on Christmas day. Make sure you exercise sporting self-care best practise by doing all of the following before the first Test v Australia starts next week.
Shitpost bomb - clear the decks by posting all the trolls and memes in your draft folder at once, never mind the consequences on your personal and professional life, this is about your health
Wellness retreat - changing your environment gets results. That’s why you need to leave work early this afternoon and go on a month-long solo fishing mission into the Pacific Ocean to learn about yourself. Tell your manager Sport Review told you to do so, I’ve cleared it with them, it will be fine
Cleanse your environment - did you break the coffee table when that ball ricocheted off Ben Stokes’ bat? Did you crack the 50” when England scored early? Bite a piece off the couch during the netball? Marie Kondo the lot, put every piece of furniture that brings back bad memories on the berm and start afresh
Talk it out - if you took the traditional kiwi approach to dealing with defeat by pushing all those emotions deep down inside, praying they never emerge until years later, now is the time to confront the demons. Get some mates, book a pub table and a taxi home and let it all out
The Sport Review Cleansing Diet - two weeks of Porter ale and pistachio nuts are going to make something happen, believe me
Confront your demons - have a loved one duct-tape you to the lazy boy and put a replay of the cricket world cup final and the semi-final defeat to England on loop. This is extremely experimental advice, best to set a safe word like ‘oh god oh god’ or ‘f*cking Eddie Jones’
Delete all your emails - go to your work email, select all and permanently delete. I can’t guarantee what will happen, but getting out of your comfort zone is vital for personal growth
Thanks for reading - Richard
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Our pace attack has been well settled for roughly six years now, winning us many matches on these ‘death of Test cricket’ *cough* pitches we have here [Stuff]
Liam Napier rounds up the best and weakest of this All Black rugby decade. Yes, we won two world cups but it’s not all been plain rucking [Stuff]
Video nasty
The full Simpsons’ McBain movie, cut into a very funny whole.
Long read
Randy Newman is coming to New Zealand next year - read up on the great man and his music, which goes way beyond Toy Story.
Recommendation
Were four episodes into The Dublin Murders, but it’s really, really good. The actors and setting are brooding, the black humour is tops and the plot twists keep coming. Track it down.
Selected weekend fixtures
The Phoenix play West Sydney at Eden Park tonight, it’s on SKY
World 49er champs are on the Hauraki Gulf next week, they’re on SKY
The sevens teams are back in action in Dubai all weekend, it’s on SKY
Bring back the gif
When you restart the modem.
TK
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