Nathan Lyon's fear of Marmite affecting Test buildup
Sport Review #268
Popular Australian off spinner Nathan Lyon’s preparation for the second cricket Test against New Zealand, due to start in Christchurch today, is being badly affected because he thoroughly shits his pants whenever he encounters Marmite, a popular yeast-extract based spread.
“I can’t explain it mate. It’s just so… black,” Lyon told reporters from a hermetically sealed room in the Australian team’s hotel.
Lyon has had several unfortunate Marmite encounters in his time in New Zealand, including a Marmite and salt and vinegar chip buttie on white bread thrown from a passing car, a three year old’s lunchbox at Wellington baggage claim and a family size jar left in the toothpaste section in Wellington City New World.
“You really feel it whenever you see a team mate struggling with a breakfast spread,” said skipper Pat Cummins. “The boys have got around Garry big time, even when Marnus brought in a that Vegemite, he was only trying to help.”
The BLACKCAPS have extended their sympathies to Lyon, sending a care package with PIC’s Peanut Butter and Barkers’ plum jam to the team.
Australian team management have several Marmite mitigation protocols in place, including MPI contractors inspecting baggage and team areas and a strict non-Marmite pledge by his team mates and support staff. Hagley Oval security is on high alert for a rumoured plot by engineering students to smother themselves in Marmite in the portaloos and attempt to hug Lyon in his time in the middle.
Thanks for reading - Richard
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