NZ Super Rugby teams' peak annoying period

Sport Review #277

Auckland Blues: 1996-97

Fitzy, Zinny, Foxy, yeah we get it, fuck off. Auckland smoothy transitioned from the all-conquering Ranfurly Shield / NPC winning team to an all conquering double Super 12 winning team without missing a beat. Admittedly they were pretty good, with that All Black studded pack with Jonah and Joeli added on, but rugby fans broken by decades of Auckland dominance and excited about professional rugby were forced to contemplate ‘is this our life now?’.

Luckily, all those All Blacks retired at once and Auckland were obligingly rubbish for years afterwards except for a blip in 2003.

Chiefs: 2012-13

Everyone hates the Chiefs. Good. It makes us stronger. You might have a problem with the Green Zone booing your kicker, or the cow bells making a wall of sound Philip Glass isn’t good enough to come up with, but when that’s your team and you’re part of it - it’s absolutely brilliant.

Luckily, all of a sudden in 2012 we had great coaches (Dave Rennie and Wayne Smith) and great players (Cruden, Ben Tameifuna, Sonny Bill and Brodie for starters) and the best home ground. Two finals at Waikato Stadium, two wins and two nights when the rugby public had to sit and watch us win and listen to the bells. Magical stuff.

Hurricanes: 1998-2022

Yes they had Jonah, Cullen and Umaga. No they did not win anything.

Just like everyone in Wellington texts whenever it’s a nice day, we all heard about this team. In 2000 the team moved to the Cake Tin and it was an instant hit, packed with Wellingtonians all wearing yellow wigs or dressed as traffic cops or life guards etc.

This was arguably peak Wellington in general with Lord Of The Rings holding a premier every couple of weeks, while baristas with dreadlocks looked on approvingly as hobbits urinated in the bucket fountain after the Webstock wrap party or something.

Crusaders 1998-2023

Everyone knows the deal here. Legacy after legacy. Just ugh.

It’s worth contemplating an alternate universe where the Hurricanes or the Highlanders won 12 titles - would that be more or less annoying than the good folk of Christchurch Ashburton and Nelson enjoying all that success, flinging Canterbury Draught all over the pub carpet while quietly sussing each other out for signs of where they went to high school?

Anyway, now that Mount Maunganui’s Scott Robertson has finally got the All Blacks job, we’ve all got skin in the game in the Crusaders’ way now, let’s hope it works out for everyone.

Highlanders: 1999

This was the arse-end of the ‘Tago / Marc Ellis / couch burning period, with the rock and roll party team making it to the Super 12 final with their all-All Black front row. There was this inexplicable ‘Party at Tony Brown’s’ business that no-one understood (Sport Review mostly felt sorry for Tony Brown’s neighbours).

Anyway, the final was at Carisbrook, the Speights flowed, everyone wore overalls - and the Crusaders ruined the party. The University started buying all the student pubs and shutting them down, Marc Ellis moved to Auckland, and the Highlanders had to wait until 2015 to win a title.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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