Olympics drinking game

Sport Review #163

Face the facts. Spending the Olympic fortnight making big dents in the couch isn’t healthy. But if you’re committing to a deeply sedentary lifestyle while watching the peak of human endeavour you may as well double down and get on it.

Behold the Olympic drinking game - deploy responsibly, no cheating.

A warm glass of flat Sprite
When [redacted] describes winning the 500m kayak gold medal as easy, wtf.

Two beers
Every time you idly wonder where your running shoes are.

A nice Baileys
You realise you’ve spent the last 45 minutes in the Sky Sport Now menu.

Four beers and a shot
Every time you try making a tactical point about the beach volleyball, nice try champ.

One beer that turns out to be 9.8% alcohol and leaves you in no state to make dinner or do school lunches
When you catch yourself enjoying dressage.

A funnel of Lion Red
When your smug prediction on the back of your newly-acquired Sport Climbing expertise turns out horrendously wide of the mark.

Shot glass of whatever’s right at the back of the liquor cabinet
When you LinkedIn message an ex-colleague in Brisbane you haven’t contacted in years with an eye to free accommodation for the 2032 Olympiad.

Look, just be honest with yourself and bring the wine bottle to the coffee table rather than making trips back and forth to the kitchen
A top night at the Velodrome.

A self-congratulatory single malt
When you check in on Netflix and see all the sweet sweet content that’s backed up while you’ve watched sport.

A scrabble around in the pantry to see if there’s any cooking wine
When you start including Toni Street and Steven McIvor in your all-time dream dinner party line up.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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