Questions asked as four All Blacks go AWOL during Shepherd's Bush kiwi flat billet promotion

Sport Review #301

Oct 31, 2024

NEWSDESK: Four members of the All Blacks’ touring squad did not turn up to training after being billeted at a Shepherd’s Bush kiwi flat, and remain out of contact with team management.

Questions are being asked about the Chemist Warehouse-sponsored London fan engagement promotion that saw players stay with ex-pat kiwis that appears to have veered wildly out of control.

Flat spokesperson Clint Tube-Pass confirmed the players were among the 23 people living at the address, and the group had given up prime doss spots to accommodate the athletes.

“The boys were fantastic - they brought us Rashuns and Pineapple Lumps. And a pallet of Steinlager. If you’re asking did we have an authentic fan engagement opportunity with the players, I’d say ‘yes’. If you’re asking how the Black Cab wound up in the back garden I’d say ‘no comment’.”

On entering the flat, team management encountered sign of the group staying there, including discarded Adidas branded polos and significant kebab detritus. The last verified contact with the group is a What’s App message reading ‘C U after snakebite Sunday suckas lol’.

“We obviously have concerns around game preparation, team sleep protocols and Heathrow injections, but we will know more when we see the boys again,” said team management.

All Black coach Scott Robertson refused to be drawn on questions regarding tequila laybacks on dentists chairs, saying “That Instagram story footage is inconclusive as far as I’m concerned. Look, we have good people in our squad. When the boys find themselves in a Brixton basement Detroit techno situation they’ll make the right decisions I’m sure.”

Thanks for reading - Richard

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