Quiz: Are you camping next to a recently retired All Black?

Sport Review #141

Camping. It’s the great kiwi pastime and a tremendous reflection of our egalitarian ideal, where an honest working man rubs bbq’s alongside titans of business. But - this summer, are you camping next to a recently retired All Black looking to re-integrate into society? Or sniff out one last lucrative overseas contract? Let’s take the quiz.

Checking out everyones camp set up is always fun - what’s your neighbour rolling out this year?

  1. A new tent, a gazebo and a little pup tent for the kids, along with a good old Kia SUV

  2. The whole family seems to be huddling inside an AIG marquee, alongside a Ford Explorer and a Ford Focus that’s been converted into a Jet Ski.

What’s keeping you awake at night?

  1. Seagulls, strange rustling out by the kitchen area, your leaky air bed

  2. ‘Winning Matters’ by Sean Fitzpatrick being read alone in bass-heavy baritone, followed by mahi on the ‘Learn Japanese for beginners’ app, followed by protracted heavy snoring

You run into your neighbour at the morning shower queue. Does he:

  1. Not say too much, while pretending to look through the old bathroom bag. Fair enough, no-one’s got chat at 7am

  2. Sound you out for rugby contacts in Japan

The best thing about camping - there’s not much to do, so you can truely relax and get serious leisure time in. What’s your neighbour up to?

  1. Mostly dozing off while reading and heading down to the beach

  2. Dominating their kids at touch rugby and filming his missus for the ‘gram

You can’t go camping without music! What’s on your neighbour’s bluetooth?

  1. Some good time rock n’ roll, some Eagles, some Eric Clapton, but mostly Rumours

  2. ‘Stand By Me’ on repeat for seven hours

You’ve run out of beer, but your neighbour’s got your back! What’s on the drinks menu?

  1. A few cans of the local crafty hazies, with a couple of boxes of green bottles as backup

  2. ‘Just chopped the last Steiny sorry mate. Want a blue Powerade? It’s out of date but still good.’

Answers

Mostly 1’s - stand down. It doesn’t appear you’re camped next door to a recently retired All Black. Maybe next year!

Mostly 2’s - Sport Review can’t rule out your neighbour isn’t a recently retired All Black. We recommend loudly talking about ‘Ian Foster and his fucked up selections’ to break the ice

Thanks for reading - Richard

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