Quiz: Are you plotting a coup at your local sports club over lockdown?
Sport Review #106
In these turbulent times, it’s important to focus on what you can control. Diet, exercise and mindfulness are all crucial to being strong and well while doing your bit and staying home.
Then again - aggressively seizing control of the bar, car park and keys to the kingdom at your local sports club certainly promises a base form of release. Is now your time, when they least expect it?
Sport Review encourages all readers to take this quiz to determine if they’re truly looking after themselves, or in actual fact putting an elaborate clandestine plot to forcibly take control of their local sports club during lockdown.
A sense of routine is key to staying well. What does your morning look like?
Rise early, exercise, shower, breakfast and a soothing hot drink before checking your email
Creating another 15 fake Facebook accounts for rigging polls and complaining
We’ve all got used to holding meetings and catch-ups with friends and family online. What’s your approach for Zoom calls?
Stay focused, people deserve your full attention to compensate for the lack of face-to face
Dial in early as host so you can keep Mr Incompetent Club President on mute
It’s 1PM. Are you:
Tuning in to Dr Bloomfield for the day’s numbers
Working the phones to shore up your base
Clear delineation between your job, and time for family and relaxation is crucial. How do you mark the end of the working day?
Shut the laptop, make a to-do list for tomorrow shut the door to the office (even if your office is the living room table!)
Burn your notes in a steel drum on the driveway while cackling
This new landscape presents problems but also opportunities for us all. How are you doing things differently?
Signing up for some seminars on digital marketing opportunities and joining some really interesting-looking groups on LinkedIn
Roaming the neighbourhood in the dead of night dropping crude hand drawn flyers (wear gloves!) in members’ mailboxes for maximum impact
Hang in there New Zealand! Our hard work is making a difference and we could soon return to something like every day life. What’s the first thing you’ll do when lockdown ends?
Not go too crazy - we don’t want to waste everyone’s sacrifice, so probably just a flat white and takeaway sushi from the local shops
Be carried in the club’s front door on the members’ shoulders for your coronation, before enjoying a nice cold glass of your enemies’ tears
Results
Mostly 1’s: It seems you’re not currently planning a coup at your local sports club. Wake up! Bob’s been asleep at the wheel for years, it’s time to throw the old regime on the fire!
Mostly 2’s: I’m with you brother. It was none other than I that graffiti’d the gear shed door, and I’m prepared to do plenty more for the cause. Plenty. Facebook messenger me.
Thanks for reading - Richard
The week's best NZ sport content
Dylan Cleaver catches you up on rugby’s perpetual state of shooting themselves in the foot [NZ Herald]
Rescheduling the summer Olympics has benefited some, but will bring many careers to an end - here’s Harbour Heather on why cyclist Eddie Dawkins’ retirement could be the first of a few [Sportsfreak]
Suzie Bates is one of our finest cricketers ever - but she had a tough choice to make after playing basketball at the 2008 Olympics [LockerRoom]
Video nasty
There was a time I thought this was the funniest thing I’d ever seen, and I was probably right.
Long read
FIFA is the greatest sporting video game ever, and is recognised as an official sport - here’s its story [Guardian]
Recommendation
If, like me, you like to set your brain aside to enjoy a film - I highly recommend Step Brothers. It’s on Netflix.
Bring back the gif
When you change from your daytime slopping around the house outfit to your evening slopping around the house outfit.
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