Stadia shock: Auckland Council to build every concept stadium
Sport Review #276
In a unexpected move, Auckland Council announced today it would build every stadium concept on the drawing board.
“Fuck it, we’re doing it,” said Auckland mayor Wayne Brown. “All day in meetings, bloody talk, talk, talking. Enough, roll the diggers.”
Waitemata Wonder will be a 130,000 indoor outdoor rugby, rugby league and football stadium with hotels, shops, restaurants and bars sunk 40 about the waterline in the middle of the harbour and accessed by jet ski.
The Water Waiata stadium will be built on the Wynyard tank farm, incorporating America’s Cup yachting, lawn bowls, equestrian eventing, festival space and lit courts for 5/6th grade interclub tennis at the Mayor’s request.
Popular community sport and boot camp space Victoria Park will be developed into a Test Cricket venue - to celebrate its heritage as reclaimed land from a former harbour basin, it will be named the Basin Reserve.
To create an exciting connection with the waterfront Stadia, a redeveloped national stadium Eden Park will now have a moat and be accessible only by ferry.
Other builds in the works include Birkenhead Bowl, Devonport Dome, Orsman Oval and the Colin Maiden Car Park.
Auckland CBD residents were awoken this morning to the sound of pneumatic drills and Telsas being shifted off Princes Wharf, while Hobsonville Ferry commuters were greeted with Sir Russell Coutts on a fizz boat scanning the harbour for dolphins just in case.
At the projected stadium growth rate, future generations of Aucklanders could have three or four personal stadiums each, something Wayne Brown is comfortable with. “All those councillors that like to fuck around are about to find out. Taylor Swift can play them all, link them up with cycleways, I don’t give a shit.”
Thanks for reading - Richard
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