The most cursed objects in New Zealand sport
Sport Review #143
The sun - generally it’s hard to make an argument against the giver of all life, as it provides photosynthesis, vitamin D and enables a wide range of recreational activities. But when it runs rampant around dinner time at Napier’s McLean Park and the cricket is paused for being too sunny, that’s cursed.
The Abstain pink fist car - this Telecom campaign calling on New Zealanders to suppress their natural urges (like we haven’t been doing that for years! Joke’s on you!) to support the All Blacks was cursed. Cursed aspects included black abstinence rings, a pink fist car for some reason and Sean Fitzpatrick. Luckily it never actually made it to air, and we avoided becoming an international laughing stock instead of just a national one.
KZ1 - bankers x lawyers + yachting = cursed. In 1988 Michael Fay found a loophole in the America’s Cup fine print, and rocked up to San Diego with a 39 ton monster yacht. Unfortunately Dennis Connor’s lawyers let him sail a rilly fast catamaran against it and poor old KZ1 joins Matthew Ridge’s BMX and Zinzan’s Irish donkey in the annals of cursed transportation.
Israel Dagg’s Men in Black memory eraser - our national carrier’s safety videos are obviously a whole category of cursed in themselves. But Israel Dagg’s performance as a rapping All Black was so authentic that coach Graham Henry’s forgot Dagg played rugby and left him out of the squad for the 2015 World Cup.
Various Richard Loe body parts - as a key Waikato player, Loey was obviously The Man, but when you unlawfully stick your fingers in a defenceless full back’s eyes, or break a very small Australian winger’s nose, that’s arguably crossing the line.
The b**k of B*n S****s’ b*t - still Too Soon to discuss. But I can assure you this is extremely cursed.
Fog - the 2006 Super Rugby final was a frustrating watch. A fantastic advert for day time rugby, the game went ahead despite Christchurch’s cursed weather - the only redeeming feature was Hurricanes’ fans’ belief they would have won.
Thanks for reading - Richard
The week's best NZ sport content
The Offspin podcast - that gets fans, and gets cricket players to speak frankly better than almost anyone - is BACK. Highly recommended [The Spinoff]
The White Ferns were assembling for training in a Cathedral Square hotel when the 22 February earthquake struck - Frankie MacKay tells the story [LockerRoom]
The Phoenix’s Louis Fenton on coping with serious injury after making a big impact early in his career [afterthewhistle.co.nz]
The Silverlake deal is either rugby’s saviour or a brazen attempt to rip the soul from our national game. Depending on who you’re talking to. The Detail podcast has the background [RNZ]
Make sure you catch Champions of the Pacific, RNZ’s sport show on Nights on Wednesdays and online.
Video nasty
Come on!
Long read
Has the pandemic changed the office forever? - spending a few months out of them certainly suggests so [New Yorker]
Recommendation
Holey Moley on Three is top family viewing. There’s golf, there’s double entendres and people falling off things. Can’t ask for much more.
Note: Sport Review officially UNRECOMMENDS Netflix’s The Vanishing At Hotel Cecil from last week’s edition. Having viewed the last two episodes - it was shit. Apologies.
Bring back the gif
When you get the ‘There’s cake in the kitchen’ email.
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