Top alternatives to crowds to fill the stands

Sport Review #109

Crowds equal atmosphere - but with no-one in the stands, and all those long gaps fecking around with scrums and that, how can rugby keep TV audiences entertained? Sport Review has the answers.

Sourdough starter on a board - sure, it’s just sitting there doing nothing but it’s cheap, and everyone’s so into it now, the people will be riveted.

People playing touch rugby - if there’s no rugby happening on the pitch, there might as well be some in the stands.

A tiger chasing a chimpanzee - behold nature’s magnificent cruelty and beauty.

Builders doing DIY demonstrations - learn how to sand a window sill without severely cutting your hands, or do grouting. Possible sponsorship tie-in with Bunnings. Possible turn-off by reminding you of all the jobs you have to do when you’re trying to relax, cripes.

Just some guys torpedoing beer cans - tell your kids that you used to do that, and run them through your record times.

Justin Marshall in stocks - everyone can enjoy that.

Eden Park residents - lured in with the promise of a free pide and piccolo, they’re now trapped forever in the heart of their nemesis.

The Feelers vs Head Like A Hole - playing at each other 15 metres apart, this is going to be awesome.

Duck shooting - no shots while the ball is in play.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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