Top five dream NZ sport vaccination experiences

Sport Review #173

Oct 14, 2021

It’s really important you get the jab, so Aucklanders can do things, and more people stay alive and that - book it here and find out more.

Mt Vic Vaxx

The Australians simply cannot cope with your slow medium outswingers, off cutter and surprise yorker, bowling with the wind at the Basin. After doing the team song and smashing a few of the sponsors’ product in the shed, it’s time for the Limo. You, BJ, Trent, Timmy and Wags (and Kane, who bowled himself for three overs cos he wanted to be involved) negotiate the tight Mt Vic corners before summiting for selfies and receiving your second dose from Ewen Chatfield, complete with blazer and name tag.

Marshy’s medicine

Take a private jet to Christchurch to be met at the airport by Grizz and Robbie Deans for a tour of suburban watering holes as you enjoy a few pints of CD while brainstorming players from other unions that could slot into red and black. Shortly after midnight you’re picked up on horseback for a ride into the central city with the Crusaders music ringing from a UE BoomBox. You’re lead to the nightclub D floor where Scott Robertson and Steve Tew are engaged in an intense break-off to Wagon Wheel. Before you know it, Justin Marshall has administered the Pfizer jab - it goes in like butter. Boomfa!

Hole in one arm

Cruise out to Muriwai in a Jaguar XKSS with Sir Bob Charles (someone else will bring the sticks in a van). Sir Bob is gracious, complements your swing, gives you putts from 2m out and the wind stops blowing when you get to hole eight. You shoot three under your handicap. In the clubhouse the chips are hot, the beer is cold. You politely refuse the Deer Velvet capsules, before a kindly bar manager administers the vaccine while wearing a tea towel over one shoulder.

Game of two jabs

Put on your formal track suit jacket and trim the sideburns before time traveling deep into the 90’s for a night out with Matthew Ridge and Marc Ellis. You’re the lords of the Viaduct as the velvet ropes magically lift for the god tier banter. There are endless stories about life with the 90’s Otago team and the Manly Warringah Sea Eagles before Brent Todd appears with a tray of Mai Tais with Aftershock chasers and your first dose.

The Pfizer Vaccine is now in your arm!

Peter Burling and Blair Tuke pick you up from the Devonport Wharf on Te Rehutai. You’re foiling in the inner harbour as the boys entertain you with deadpan tales of sick burns on Jimmy Spithill and point out the the galley they’ve had installed. You enjoy some interesting hazies and Wakachangi salt and vinegar as you circle Waiheke inspiring the locals to get their first shot. Just as you hit a quiet patch on the water Pete Montgomery emerges from the hold with a syringe to help you become fully vaccinated.

Thanks for reading - Richard

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