Villains of the week

Sport Review #249

For every high there is a low. Just when you wanted to spin the world cup out a little longer with wholesome Matildas content, along come some proper prongs to wreck your buzz. It’s been a bad week for villains, so it’s important to name and shame these fuckwits to reclaim power.

Jorge Vilda

Spanish coach, who brazened through a player walk out, received the full backing of his FA and was there to collect the trophy despite his own players wanting nothing to do with him. There were awkward scenes throughout with the players celebrating about 300 metres away from their coach and support staff. Granted, these were all technically historic offences, but Joregy boy and his fussily-groomed beard weren’t about to let his moment on the big stage go by without doing something truly offensive, and therefore groped one of his assistants mid-match. Allegedly!

Everyone’s worked with a non-team player colleague who’s there to eat their lunch, contributing sweet FA while shit talking everyone else, bloody depressing to know this happens in football, women’s football at such a high level and at such a joyous occasion.

Whoever robbed Aotearoa New Zealand of proper Dunedin-made Jafas

Still. The streets don’t forget. Fuck you.

Luis Rubiales

Back to Spain. King Wills copped a lot of criticism for not flying out to Aus for the final, and the winners probably wish their FA had insisted on the same. Luis is the head of Spanish football, and instead of performing his duties respectfully and getting off the stage to let the players shine, he doused himself in Lynx Java and treated the podium like a nightclub at 3am.

All bald head, teeth and pelvic thrusts, he bear-hugged all the players, kissed the wonderful Jenni Hermoso on the lips, wholly uninvited and pested his way around the dressing room. Luis has been described as ‘reptilian and creepy’ by his Prime Minister, which has to be tough to come back from, and a cavalcade of extremely gross behaviour is being aired in public and it look like he’ll lose his job. Thankfully the Spanish team are serving up revenge by living their best lives on an Ibizan launch.

Sir Steve Hansen

The sleepy / grumpy knight of the realm, whose last acts as All Black coach were to lose a semi-final, offer to fight Andrew Gourdie and get his old mucker Fossie appointed as coach despite questionable first-team coach credentials, has had a bad week.

He’d sort of left the stage since 2019, but was usually willing to wake up and play the role of grumpy know-it-all if asked by media or talkback hosts, weighing in with some some kind of thin-skinned thoughts on the issues of the day or his former employers.

But because he can’t stand the thought of an RWC without some special Hansen fairy dust (it’s heavier than you think), he’s linked up with the most unpleasant hobbit in the shire Eddie Jones to offer some ‘advice’. They’re mates, apparently, bringing to mind some of the most painful first class airport lounge chat imaginable.

The optics or basic loyalty of helping our deadly rivals on their campaign or the memory of his prickly comments about Graham Henry helping Argentina in 2012 won’t bother Hansen, he’ll do his bit, then spend the 23 weeks of the tournament moving from sponsor’s tent to sponsor’s tent while sleeping like a baby, often at the same time.

Thanks for reading - Richard

This week's best NZ sport content

More World Cup wraps - Dana Johannsen goes behind the scenes of the tournament and the resources thrown at putting it on, Mediawatch goes long on tournament coverage and impact, while Scott McLean looks at the task ahead to refresh the Football Ferns [Stuff, RNZ, Sportsfreak]

The tournaments (along with the IWG Women and Sport Conference) have also promoted important discussion around equity to take place – whether it’s been pay equity, how to get more women into coaching, support roles and leadership, or basic elements to community sport like having female toilets.

Sarah Cowley-Ross on what this three women’s world cup run could mean for sports and youngsters in New Zealand [Locker Room]

Andrew Voerman dug a bit deeper than most into NZ hosting a male Football World Cup and found a few things out [Stuff]

Another depressing edition of Netball Dad - how do we fix this shit? [NZ Herald]

Paul Lewis on Sir Steve Hansen and the bullshit that goes on at elite mate-mate-ex-All-Black-Coach-mate-respect-my-authority-mate-but-also-double-standards-mate tiers [NZ Herald]

Video nasty

Shout outs to the kids of Tairua who finally got their skatepark despite Auckland NIMBY bullshit.

Long read

From the archives - the amateur cyclist who wanted to test performance enhancing drugs’ effects on a weekend warrior, and went all the way in [Outside]

Recommendation 

New podcast The Rest Is Football is off to a cracking start, with decent chat on current happenings, alongside yarns from hosts Gary Lineker, Alan Shearer and Micah Richards. Check out the same crowd’s history and politics pods too.