NEWSDESK: In a service to fans, the New Zealand Warriors have released a schedule of when they will play well.
Despite the South-Auckland based franchise veering from free-scoring flair to absolute radishes, often in the same game, they attract one of the most loyal fanbases in the league.
“The Warriors faithful need to know if we’ll be good or if we’ll be shit ahead of time. No-one wants to miss a family BBQ to watch us go to the Gold Coast and get humped, so we’ll clearly set that expectation,” said CEO Cameron George.
“It’s the least we can do.”
Coach Nathan Brown suspected his players had given up when he saw them enjoying sneaky darts, watching Friends on their phones and brainstorming brand collabs with sponsors’ creative agency partners in back field during the record defeat to Melbourne Storm, and decided there had to be a better way.
“It’ll be pretty easy mark out when the boys feel like playing well and doing defence and that, and when they’ll just be turnstiles. The challenge will be not doing that mathematical playoff chance bullshit so people can plan school holidays without watching us.”
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